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SAD
Despite
all my avid resolutioning
and attempts at making 2005 a massive stride towards self-improvement,
I have found myself rather glum of late. At first I thought it was
my roots. When their natural color begins to show, my complete demeanor
changes. (A quick root fix while waiting for Parlour Therapy can wreak havoc
on any Twirty.) But after three glorious hours in the swivel chair
with my stylist, I still remained a wee bit blah. (Beautiful with
big,
I'm-a-sex-kitten-hair ,
but blah.) This is very telling as we all know that a girl is at
her confidence apex when she leaves the Beauty Parlour. You can
spot her a mile away -- she's the one making grand movements with
her head at every opportunity such that her hair swings this way
and that like a TV commercial. Indeed, the hair swoosher is a happy
girl. But I digress. Let's
please refocus on me.
Still blue with
beautiful, big
hair, I figured it must be my bag. I ruled out shoes and clothes
because they are changed every day, whereas the bag remains consistent (somewhat).
Deciding New Year's resolution #81 (no more bag purchases unless
house burns down) was worth breaking in the name of mental health,
I outbid my Ebay nemesis, shopswithmoneytoburn, on a tried-and-true
Jackie-O
Gucci. But alas, even with keeper
bag of keeper
bags
on my shoulder and hair completely commercial-worthy, I was not-so-perky.
By this time,
mild concern was turning panicked. Was I having a thirty-three-point-three
percent life crisis? Was I menopausal at age twirty? Oh tell me,
no! Did I have some sort of deadly disease? Would I never live to
own a pair of Manolos?
'Twas enough to send a girl to bed. And so, I declared myself in
crisis mode, reporting to Shop Girl that I would be unable to get
a manicure, shop, or cocktail on Saturday. I explained to her my
Last Will and Testament and showed her where I kept my Pucci
scarves
should I depart this world in my sleep. (Odd that she didn't want
any of my clothes. Has my illness impaired my chicness?) I then
brought all necessities into my bedroom: phone, computer with extra
long internet connection, Valentine's- themed M&Ms (love the
pink and red together, very chic chocolate combo), movies, water,
yummy hand cream and at-home spa treatments, and settled in for
a long winter's nap.
Cocooning
quite nicely, I began thinking about satin sheets. I've never owned
any, opting in the past for high-thread-count
cotton or fashionable
prints, and it seemed a pity to die without experiencing a luxurious
sleep. But after daydreaming my way through my tragic death scene
where Shop Girl finds me in my adorable flannel
PJs wrapped in deliciously luxurious satin sheets only to profess that flannel and satin don't 'work',
I realized that my condition was only worsening. It was time to
get serious. It was time "to heal thyself". It was time
to Google and get to the bottom of this. (Googling
(in all verb tenses) is one of my new favorite words. Very hip to
use in conversation, as well.)
I entered search
words describing my symptoms. And in nanoseconds, I was face-to-face
with my answer. Skipping the first option, "manic depressive
illness", which even an overeater like myself couldn't face,
I saw my diagnosis. I was SAD.
Hurrah! A treatable illness. According to a report performed by
Physician Engineered Products, Inc., Seasonal Affective
Disorder (SAD) is a clinical condition characterized
by depressed mood (def. me), lethargy
and fatigue (me), excessive sleeping
and eating (see me in cocoon with M&Ms),
increased weight (me + aforementioned M&Ms),
social withdrawal (me not shopping)
and decreased amorousity (hmmm...no comment, not even sure it is a word).
It is seasonal - beginning in the fall and ending in the spring.
Studies show that exposing SAD victims (love thinking
of self as victim, so tragic) to extended light (thereby
mimicking summertime conditions) can reduce or eliminate SAD symptoms.
Relief upon
all reliefs. All I needed was light
therapy to simulate summertime conditions. (Who knew there were
therapeutic treatments beyond mall and the beauty parlour?) I've
opted to pass on the #1 prescribed light
goggles, as they don't really work with my overall look and
I already busted the budget on the Jackie-O. Instead, I'm embracing
full
spectrum light bulbs throughout my abode and have invested in
this desk
lamp at my lovely new desk.
(Passersby think I'm self-tanning and Shop Girl is ignoring me entirely.)
Adding in some fresh glosses and festive
flats in summer hues, and I tell you, I'm walking on sunshine
right here in the midst of March.
Anyhoo, that
about sums me up. The big D is over, springtime and prissy
skirts await just around the bend and all the stores are painting
themselves pink. What's not to be happy about?
Ta ta, my loves.
Smile
pretty and try not to break too many hearts!
xoxo,
she she me
she she
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