New Mom Rules
are many ways to describe the first months of motherhood. Both physically
and emotionally, motherhood really delivers up 'the goods', and
the new mom finds herself awash in these 'gifts'. There is, of course,
the awesome, miraculous and bigger-than-life joy at the wonderful
gift that's been laid in your lap/life/bosom. There is also the
spare tire attached to your midsection that comes complete with
extra padding in the derriere so you feel more cushion while feeding
your young offspring. (See 56 Hour Work Week
for more on this subject.) This is a gift that is non-returnable
or refundable. You can't even give it away. You have to wear it
God grants us a joy that can truly surpass all things. A prima donna
who 9 months before spent $100 for 4 ounces of perfume
and never would have left home without matching
lingerie beneath her Juicy
dress, now sports sour milk as her scent of choice (free, compliments
of her new position as milk-cow-in-residence) and wears a whale-bone
contraption designed to hold cantaloupes with their own irrigation
system. And she doesn't leave the house. Period. But
none of this matters, because her precious angel just smiled for
the first time causing an elation so grand that the fact that her
roots are two inches long just doesn't matter anymore.
are beyond our control, for the most part. The love, the vomit,
the smiles, the projectile poop, the coos, the spare tire -- it's
all part of the new
mom package. But there comes a point when you feel the need
to get in control again. After a full pregnancy of losing control
of your body, bladder and hormones and the weeks of new motherhood
where the world turns upside down, for sanity's sake, you must begin
to get on with your life. At first I thought the magic marker was
6 weeks. At six weeks, I'll make sure I brush my teeth everyday.
(This still doesn't happen.) Then it was eight weeks. At eight weeks,
I'll start wearing make-up and will definitely shower every day.
(Can't even find concealer, much less wear it.) Then it was 10 weeks.
At 10 weeks, l'll exercise every day and surely I'll be able to
wear my cute
sundresses by Memorial Day. (While I do wear my exercise
every day, it is only because they are forgiving of my spare tire.
I have yet to go to the gym.) These mile-markers have come and gone.
And still, it is not I but a 12-pound nugget who controls my days.
Now it's 12
weeks. Like the first trimester of pregnancy, everyone says it gets
easier at 12 weeks. So, on the eve of our 12 week birthday (mine
as a mom/milk-cow, his as son), I hereby confide to you my new set
of rules. Starting today, I will:
- Brush my
teeth every morning - first thing. (If I wait for after coffee,
the coffee breath replaces dragon breath and the day goes on without
elemental oral hygiene. Thank goodness the wee one doesn't know
the difference. Or... is that why he's so cranky?)
daily. If only my 'secret' exercises down there.
- Leave house
once a day. (Big step.) Taking out Diaper Genie contents doesn't
- Write at
least 5 thank
you notes a day. (When I start going out, I must be able to
look friends/family in the eye.)
- Wear at least
one piece of non-fat-girl
a day. Pajamas
pants beget more spare tires. Spare tires not needed here.
Flat tummy needed. Desperately.
- Stop lying
about baby's age. (I still say he's 7 weeks, in an effort to make
excuses for aforementioned spare tires, luggage under eyes, and
- Wear lipstick.
(Will help enforce #1. Who wants to put lipstick on a dragon?)
a female feel like a girl instead of an aging milk cow.
- As will doubtfully
be making it to the beach anytime soon (and if did would not don
bikini of dreams), will begin to bronze skin. Don't want child
to think that all adults are inversed raccoons -- pasty white
with black circle eyes. Maybe that's why he cries at night
-- because I glow in the dark?)
Oops, must run.
My prince beckons. Perfectly timed as the irrigation system is kicking
into high gear and the melons must be juiced. Ta ta my friends.
she she me
Balance Movement Therapy
Body Balance Movement Therapy has lots to talk about these days.
First, they've moved to their fabulously chic new digs at 1033 Wade
Avenue. (We think your body may improve by just standing in there,
it looks so good.) Secondly, they've added a new punch card system
which enables you to take any kind of class you want. Rather than
booking 10 weeks of Pilates, your 10-class punch card now offers
you the freedom to choose between Pilates, Gyrokinesis, Tai Chi,
yoga and more. And lastly, they've added classes to their roster
that are perfect for the chi chi girl on the go. (We love the Tuesday/Thursday
Pilates lunch class. From 12:15 - 1pm, you can get a stellar workout
and be back at the office before anyone can say 'flat abs'. You
can check out the schedule on their site.)
to the she she girls, BBMT is offering a special just for us. It's
called FOUR FOR FORTY. In honor of the 4th of July
(and the mandatory swimsuit soirees on the horizon), she she girls
can purchase 4 classes for $40. (The usual minimum punch card is
10 classes for $120.) As long as you buy the pass by July 4th, you're
good to go. What a perfect way to give these new classes a try.
Just mention she she me when
you call or stop in.
descriptions and schedules are listed on the site. Or you can
call the studio with any questions. 919-787-0508