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Issue 4
June 25, 2004

New Mom Rules
There are many ways to describe the first months of motherhood. Both physically and emotionally, motherhood really delivers up 'the goods', and the new mom finds herself awash in these 'gifts'. There is, of course, the awesome, miraculous and bigger-than-life joy at the wonderful gift that's been laid in your lap/life/bosom. There is also the spare tire attached to your midsection that comes complete with extra padding in the derriere so you feel more cushion while feeding your young offspring. (See 56 Hour Work Week for more on this subject.) This is a gift that is non-returnable or refundable. You can't even give it away. You have to wear it out.

Emotionally, God grants us a joy that can truly surpass all things. A prima donna who 9 months before spent $100 for 4 ounces of perfume and never would have left home without matching lingerie beneath her Juicy dress, now sports sour milk as her scent of choice (free, compliments of her new position as milk-cow-in-residence) and wears a whale-bone contraption designed to hold cantaloupes with their own irrigation system. And she doesn't leave the house. Period. But none of this matters, because her precious angel just smiled for the first time causing an elation so grand that the fact that her roots are two inches long just doesn't matter anymore.

These gifts are beyond our control, for the most part. The love, the vomit, the smiles, the projectile poop, the coos, the spare tire -- it's all part of the new mom package. But there comes a point when you feel the need to get in control again. After a full pregnancy of losing control of your body, bladder and hormones and the weeks of new motherhood where the world turns upside down, for sanity's sake, you must begin to get on with your life. At first I thought the magic marker was 6 weeks. At six weeks, I'll make sure I brush my teeth everyday. (This still doesn't happen.) Then it was eight weeks. At eight weeks, I'll start wearing make-up and will definitely shower every day. (Can't even find concealer, much less wear it.) Then it was 10 weeks. At 10 weeks, l'll exercise every day and surely I'll be able to wear my cute sundresses by Memorial Day. (While I do wear my exercise clothesicon every day, it is only because they are forgiving of my spare tire. I have yet to go to the gym.) These mile-markers have come and gone. And still, it is not I but a 12-pound nugget who controls my days.

Now it's 12 weeks. Like the first trimester of pregnancy, everyone says it gets easier at 12 weeks. So, on the eve of our 12 week birthday (mine as a mom/milk-cow, his as son), I hereby confide to you my new set of rules. Starting today, I will:

  1. Brush my teeth every morning - first thing. (If I wait for after coffee, the coffee breath replaces dragon breath and the day goes on without elemental oral hygiene. Thank goodness the wee one doesn't know the difference. Or... is that why he's so cranky?)
  2. Exercise daily. If only my 'secret' exercises down there.
  3. Leave house once a day. (Big step.) Taking out Diaper Genie contents doesn't count.
  4. Write at least 5 thank you notes a day. (When I start going out, I must be able to look friends/family in the eye.)
  5. Wear at least one piece of non-fat-girl clothingicon a day. Pajamas and yoga pants beget more spare tires. Spare tires not needed here. Flat tummy needed. Desperately.
  6. Stop lying about baby's age. (I still say he's 7 weeks, in an effort to make excuses for aforementioned spare tires, luggage under eyes, and 2-inch roots.)
  7. Wear lipstick. (Will help enforce #1. Who wants to put lipstick on a dragon?) Summery glosses iconmake a female feel like a girl instead of an aging milk cow.
  8. As will doubtfully be making it to the beach anytime soon (and if did would not don bikini of dreams), will begin to bronze skin. Don't want child to think that all adults are inversed raccoons -- pasty white with black circle eyes. Maybe that's why he cries at night -- because I glow in the dark?)

Oops, must run. My prince beckons. Perfectly timed as the irrigation system is kicking into high gear and the melons must be juiced. Ta ta my friends.

 


she she me Sponsor: Body Balance Movement Therapy
Body Balance Movement Therapy
has lots to talk about these days. First, they've moved to their fabulously chic new digs at 1033 Wade Avenue. (We think your body may improve by just standing in there, it looks so good.) Secondly, they've added a new punch card system which enables you to take any kind of class you want. Rather than booking 10 weeks of Pilates, your 10-class punch card now offers you the freedom to choose between Pilates, Gyrokinesis, Tai Chi, yoga and more. And lastly, they've added classes to their roster that are perfect for the chi chi girl on the go. (We love the Tuesday/Thursday Pilates lunch class. From 12:15 - 1pm, you can get a stellar workout and be back at the office before anyone can say 'flat abs'. You can check out the schedule on their site.)

Always loyal to the she she girls, BBMT is offering a special just for us. It's called FOUR FOR FORTY. In honor of the 4th of July (and the mandatory swimsuit soirees on the horizon), she she girls can purchase 4 classes for $40. (The usual minimum punch card is 10 classes for $120.) As long as you buy the pass by July 4th, you're good to go. What a perfect way to give these new classes a try. Just mention she she me when you call or stop in.

Class descriptions and schedules are listed on the site. Or you can call the studio with any questions. 919-787-0508




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