not Fat, I'm Pregnant
think the hardest part of the first months of pregnancy - aside from the
constant nausea, exhaustion and feeling that there is an alien growing in
your belly - is the fact that, at this point, no one knows you're pregnant.
You feel pudgy, pukey and generally cranky, but you can't quite play your
pregnancy card yet. As such, your friends and loved ones who don't know
about the alien figure that you must be depressed about gaining weight.
(For the record, the pregnancy card is a beautiful thing, and you and your
husband will enjoy its effectiveness for months to come.) But that's a little
further down the line. Right now, you just look fat and act hungover.
Ways the first trimester
is like a hangover:
- you justify gross
fast foods by saying they will make you feel better
- you want to sleep
- you're emotionally...
off kilter and prone to extreme bouts of crying or bitchiness
for no particular reason
The difference, of
course, is that the pregnancy is a marvelous gift from God and a beautiful
beginning to something more stupendous that we could ever imagine. The
hangover, meanwhile, is just a devilish trick compliments of an evil-doer
with a G&T monogram. But enough of this, let's talk about what to
Well, not your skinny
jeans. And probably not your skintight
designer tops. Give them all a rest, your days as a svelte, sinewy
goddess will resume in approximately 280 days. For now, you'd best focus
on the 'relaxed'
look. There really is no need to race out for elastic
waist jeans until about week 10 - they will only tempt you to spend
more money on ice cream and Big Macs. (Seriously, I may not turn mine
in when it's all over. Excellent bingeing attire - maternity
clothes.) Instead, go through your closet and find all your a-line
skirts, your low
waisted items (they may not sit as low as they used to, but they will
keep you clothed for a while) and your basic
blouses. Basic blouses are key during the hangover stage. They hide
the mini-mountains forming on your chest without making you look like
you're wearing a tent. (Tents come later, along with the pregnancy card.)
Remember, you look the size you dress. So, while you're trying to keep
the cat in the bag and yet abate the rumors of your depression-induced
gain-a-thon, stick with the non-waist
and boobie hugging items from your normal girl wardrobe.
Since your pregnancy
doesn't feel quite 'real' yet and thus retailing for things like cribs,
seat seems a little foreign, I believe the first trimester is a great
time to indulge in shoe and accessory retail therapy. After all, if you're
about to have a baby, then you're about to be a grown-up. And what grown-up
lady doesn't own a pair of Manolos
(aside from about 99.5% of the population) or a Prada
bag (I think we should get pink for a girl, blue for a boy) or perhaps
a wee little Pucci
scarf? (For further justification on buying expensive shoes: you need
now. Pregnant women need to be mindful of their backs.) Before long, you
will have to think about buying a bigger house, furnishing a nursery,
and filling a wardrobe
for your own little precious
wee one. But now, he/she is about the size of a peanut (out of the shell)
- so I say, live large. No pun intended, of course.
Which brings me back
to the beginning
you're not fat, you're pregnant.
Word will get out soon enough, and your green-ish pallor will turn rosy
as your peanut grows into a lemon. You'll glow and radiate a joy that
cannot be attained by flirty
duds - though everyone will undoubtedly notice and covet your shoes
and other stunning
accessories. And so until that time, rest yourself and remember how
blessed we are to be able to create a life - and wear designer
shoes. What a journey lies ahead
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